Recent Flashback.

The last two or three weeks have been a whirlwind of events and emotions. The 1st day of the last month of the year saw the start of the fourth semester. Fourth semester already. Time flies like crazy here. And the new semester meant 5 law subjects instead of only 2. Doesn't seem to be too much of a problem till now though. There's a new and young teacher who's here to teach us Criminal Law. Souvik Roy. A Bengali. All the girls here seem to be swooning all over him. I mean, yeah okay he's all young, fair and cute and everything, but he's a teacher nevertheless. Plus he doesn't seem to be teaching much. And he has that weird attitude cuz he's from London and everything. Anyway, why am I even talking about him. This post was intended to be about something else.
So a lot of events took place in college last month. A "lot of" by NLUO standards at least. First the photography competition from 10th-14th. At the risk of sounding extremely arrogant, I cannot help but mention that it was really my brainchild, holding an independent event of that sort, right from getting the permission to organizing the entire thing. Though it wasn't much of a difficult task really, except perhaps the getting the certificates made part. I am just glad the whole thing was successful. I had been expecting only some 5-7 applicants. Got an overwhelming response - from 16 people. That was way more than I had anticipated. And some really good pictures I got too. I was really impressed with some of the talent we have out here. Will try and upload some of them later on this site if I can, though they are already up there on Facebook.
Next came the 2-day cultural event organised by a few of my friends here. And it was perhaps the best thing that happened last month. Okay ONE of the best things. But more on that later. :)
So 18th afternoon was the movie screening (Dil Chahta Hai), and the evening saw the cultural event. Finally got to perform officially for the first time in my college. Two days of practice (I can't be blamed, the whole event itself was held at very short notice) and I managed to turn up with 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' with the guitar and 'Tum Ho Toh' without instruments, the latter being a dedication to one of my classmates out there. Nope I'm not revealing who yet. Yet again I realized I have a long way to go before I actually overcome stage frights. Screwed up my performance with messed up lyrics and what I believe was a half-shaky voice. But my college-mates are too nice to admit that, and all I could get out of any of them were only praises, when I know for a fact that I wasn't even half of what I had hoped to be up on the stage. But all's well that ends well. Despite all the flaws there was a feel good air about everything. The rest of the performances were great and the crowd was extremely encouraging. Oh, and I got two roses from the Registrar (Pinaki Sir) and the rganizers for my performance. :D
What followed next was a sneak-peak into what was to come the next day for the much anticipated DJ-night. And before we knew it, the DJ night had arrived, the whole place being transformed into a dance floor in a way we had never quite imagined. It finally felt and looked like NLUO was having fun, both the batches together, with the decibels soaring high and onlookers from the adjoining road doing what they do - yes, onlooking. :P A lot of pictures from that day too. Overall, a very nice weekend. And a very missed weekend. Because the very next day came the surprise snap tests. Which, as expected, went horrible. So much for expecting our teachers to be considerate.
But the last week before the college shut down for the holidays wasn't that bad to be. Results. And surprisingly well I did. Too well, in fact, by my normal standards. Under any given normal circumstance, my grade point for any subject would not be anything more than an E('Excellent'), except for may be Pol. Science (where sir is kind enough to distribute the one grade sized like him - an O ('Outstanding')). But this time, I managed to get an O in THREE FRIGGIN' SUBJECTS!! One of them being Contracts. Yes, that very same contracts where I had left out 20 marks due to dearth of time. No idea how I managed it, but I consider this to be one huge achievement in my college career so far. The other (expected) subjects where I managed to bag the 'O-some' grade are of course Pol. Sc and French. Okay I wasn't too sure about French, I mean, to be very honest, I really don't know French in the true sense. Still, the hunch was nevertheless there. The remaining subjects weren't bad either - an E in Eco, A+ in Constitutional Law (a great feat for me, once again!) and a B+ in Socio. Oh well, I was never good in the social sciences anyway. And however much I want to change the way our society thinks and works, I could never read up all those innumerable articles on Feminism and Masculinity. So no regrets there.
So it has been a more or less good year altogether. Like I said, all's well that ends well. Also, Christmas is almost here. (eeeeeeeeeeeeee :D ) The mood is festive and light, and the future couldn't seem more bright. Here's wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance. My next post will probably see light in the new year. Till then -
Taketh care world.

Adrenaline Rush.

He was running as fast as he could. There was no way he could stop. There was not a single person in sight. No cars, no houses, no nothing. the entire street was empty. Where is everybody? He could not stop to even turn back to see if his pursuer was still there. He could not take the chance. He knew very well how powerful his adversary was and that every microsecond lost was an inch closer to his foreboding doom.

He knew he was still being followed. He could feel it. He was sure he could hear his pursuer's breath. Yes, a definite panting. No it isn't just the beating of your heart. Someone is definitely breathing behind you. Run! He could not stop. His life was still in danger. Keep running. Faster. Faster! FASTER!


To be continued.

Sulking.

Today was the second day of our 3rd end-semester exams.
Law of Contracts-II.
Left out 20 marks worth of questions due to dearth of time.
20 f***ing marks. Out of 50.
Beat that.
That means whatever I will get, I will get out 30.
Which is not much.
Not at all.

Also, this test makes my almost disastrous Constitutional-II Law paper of yesterday look great.
Which reminds me, I did not finish my paper yesterday either.
I have become slow.
I need to practice writing.
All my hopes of scoring well without studying and surprising everybody, gone.
For this sem.
At least.
I hope.

Also, I have a terrible cold.
My head feels a 100 times heavier than usual.
I think I might also have fever.
I don't know.
Why do I have to be sick during the exams?
It sucks.
Really.

Tomorrow is Economics.
There is a lot to study.
A LOT.

Goodbye.

Nothing really.

A random status update I came across on Facebook. Wish I could, you know, err, 'like' it. But this guy's not on my friend list. I really liked it. Like, a lot. This is what it said -

‎"I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Hauntingly true, isn't it?

Some random bickering.

Too many projects at the moment. One gets started before the other gets over. Basically, Life sucks now. I'm hating every moment of it. And I blame myself for it. Almost 3 months of prior notice, yet I keep everything for the last moment. And I literally mean the last moment.
Only four days allotted to Political Science. And we got so much work done on the third last day. If only we had done as much work 3 months ago. (It's funny how I have similar thoughts and similar repentances every sem. Oops.) Same goes for Constitutional Law. That is a very difficult subject we've got in our course. Besides the other very difficult subjects, I mean. Then there is the Contract presentation. And the Socio and Eco drafts. All that and the end-sems, which are like barely a month away.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
I'm going crazy.

The way we want it.

Have you ever wondered, or given a thought to how things never work out the way we want them to. Remember how as a kid, we wanted that particular ice-cream of that particular flavor from that particular shop? And remember how we never got that? And when years later we could get any flavor ice cream from any shop, it hardly ever mattered to us. Why is it that the world's sweetest pleasures are the ones you cannot get? And why is it that when you can finally get that something you've always wanted, it is not so great anymore?

Over the years, I have learnt that things work out best in life when they are unplanned. But before that, I must mention again, how things never work out the way we plan them out in our minds from (much, perhaps) before hand. The perfect plan. It can be for anything. Say, a date. Or a lecture. A speech maybe. A regular class at school or college, or at tuition, where you want to impress that cute guy or girl you've recently developed a crush on. Or it can be simply meeting someone special. And we hope, pray with all our heart, that it all works out just the way we planned it. Act by act. Including the reaction from the other person(s). It's right there, all worked out in our mind. But when the time finally comes - poof! The bubble you had so perfectly created in your mind bursts. You don't say the words to your crush which you had so perfectly played out in your mind, or it doesn't invoke the kind of reaction you had expected. And sooner than you know it, one by one, the whole plan comes crashing down. The speech is forgotten. You don't come across as that smart or funny as you had intended to. It's all gone wrong, almost every bit of it. You realize sooner than later that nothing ever really works out as you planned it. Not even one bit. That's when you just leave it to Fate. Let whatever is bound to happen, happen.

And then.
Comes the miracle.

Something happens. Something simple, yet wonderful. A smile from that cute guy or girl, those amazing words you just tell your date impromptu without having thought of them earlier, maybe a funny line you hadn't thought of earlier, or a witty remark in your forgotten speech, or that remarkably simple way to explain your theory to the class which hadn't struck you earlier. These were, put in simple words, things which were never part of the plan. Yet, they were the best that could have happened.

It's true. The most beautiful things in Life are the unplanned ones. And I can say that so firmly because it has happened to me so many times. In fact, time and again, every single time I have planned out my actions. Therefore I have stopped planning my life. I leave it totally on Fate and allow my life to take it's own course without giving it much thought. And this by far has been one of the best decisions I have taken.

We often tend to think it would have been really nice that if this particular thing happened to us, or if our life had been that way, like that lucky guy there who "has everything one can ask for". But that is not how life works. It is not some story you have already written that you are living. Life never really gives you what you want. But it always gives you something better. The most wonderful of things happen when you least expect it.

Life is a mystery.
And it is this mystery that makes it the most wonderful thing in the world.

Rains...

"And when it rains
On this side of town it touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
It don't miss a thing

You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole
And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore" : Paramore

Rains. Through time immemorial have they been associated with times of despair and gloom, by poets, singers and even regular people like me alike. 'Rain' has been almost synonymous with tears, throughout ages. Break-ups, departures, heartbreaks, those lonely times...

"And when it rains
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything"

Many of my friends hate the rains for they render the roads muddy and justtoomuchmessy. They hate it because it spoils their hair/make-up. It wets their clothes, destroying their "whole purpose of going out". As for me, I have always loved the rains. They denote joy and happiness to me. I love the smell of the rain, of the water on the grass, and of the wet soil. I love to hear the sound of the rain against my glass window, against the unquenched thirst of the earth. I love the feeling of freshness that envelopes me everytime it rains.



"Rain, Rain don’t go away
Rain, Rain I hope you stay..."

I love it when the rain comes and washes off the dirt from the air and the not-so-green leaves of city trees, rendering them fresh and lush green. It feels great when right after the scorching heat of the summer the first rains hit the city. It feels like Life in itself. Like being born again. I love drawing random shapes with my inartistic finger on the foggy bus window each time it rains. I love those rain-related songs they play on the radio when it pours all through the day. I love watching the rain, and tracing those drops right from heaven till they hit the little pool they themselves created on the surface of the earth where mortals reside. And I never get bored of it. Rain is fascinating.

Perhaps one of the most important things I associate rains with - I love the prospect of having 'Khichudi' with some ghee or butter melted on it, and some fries - potatoes, fish, scrambled egg, or crispy pakodas/badas made out of just anything - to accompany it, for lunch. Rains give me the incentive to simply lie down on my bed, get under the sheets and think. Think of things and fantasies, of the random randoms, which normally don't find place in my otherwise-packed schedule of day-to-day activities I am forced to call 'Life'. And my best thoughts come during such times.



Even now, as I stare out of the window, the heavenly waters splashing against my window, the familiar sound and smell of freshness filling my senses, all that I desire is to jump out into the streets, break all bounds, into freedom, and sing in the rain.

"I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain

Dancin' in the rain
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
I'm happy again!
I'm singin' and dancin' in the rain!" : "Singing In The Rain"

Reason enough to keep going back to Plath.

Always in the middle of a kiss
Came the profane stimulus to cough;
Always from the pulpit during service
Leaned the devil prompting you to laugh.

Behind mock-ceremony of your grief
Lurked the burlesque instinct of the ham;
You never altered your amused belief
That life was a mere monumental sham.

From the comic accident of birth
To the final grotesque joke of death
Your malady of sacrilegious mirth
Spread gay contagion with each clever breath.

Now you must play the straight man for a term
And tolerate the humor of the worm.

- Sylvia Plath ("Dirge for a Joker")

Back in city.

Okay so a little over a month, and I'm back to Kolkata. And home was never so beautiful. Getting a 15-day break right when the academic pressure had reached its peak, and quite an unexpected one at that. And breaks were never sweeter!

The reason for the break, though, isn't that happy. Swine Flu. Yes, that's true. It's finally hit Orissa, with a bang that too. Over 10 deaths in the state within a week, the affected number even higher, much higher. A little flashback wouldn't hurt at this point.

So the much awaited freshers party for the juniors has finally got over with (one relief, that.), though it was not even half as good as we had planned it initially. But whatever, at least they were lucky enough to get one, the way things were headed. Fast forward two days, and the university announces a tentative closure for 15 days. Rejoice. Terror. Happiness. Fear. Hope. Rush. Confusion. Humour. Trust only a university of national stature to convey as many emotions as that, all at once. The sudden freedom from all things academic, the nail-biting thinking 'next-who?' when all your college mates report fever and other swine flu-ish symptoms one by one (a whooping 70 population reported fever in all, maybe more), the ultimate terror when one of our own actually did report positive for the much dreaded flu, the rush over tickets to see who can escape the prison before anyone else. And I'm not kidding when I use the 'prison'.

Prohibited from going beyond the big iron gates which marks the entrance at any time of the day, we were no less than prisoners. And our "jail-uniform" was our swine flu mask (besides our normal clothes, of course.)
And our food was no different from the gruel they serve in prisons. And even thinking non-veg was a crime. We were told to avoid close proximity with any other human, which meant we spent almost our "prisoner"-days within our little cells, and yes, with our inmates. And with nothing to do. In fact, there came a point where people actually got tired of watching movies (back2back) on their laptops. And sleeping. So when the Big Day when all our 10-tablets-'Tami-flu' prescriptions finally ended, our joy knew no boundaries! We were all headed home. More so for the juniors, as it was their first trip back home since they joined college.

So after a good 5 days of joblessness, here I am, back in the city, for a good 10 days.
And coming to the third metro city in the country after a frustrating one month in a still developing town (I like to call it that) like Cuttack was a welcome relief! The necessary implications - KFC, Shopping, Movies (4 movies, in a span of 10 days!), KFC, Domino's, a certain birthday party, getting back together with old buddies, KFC, Shopping (again!), awesome home-cooked food, Ilish maachh, a new pair of Converse All Star, the good ol' streets of Calcutta, Mamabari, Driving, oh and did I mention KFC? :P
Sigh. Life was never better. And it is now more clear than ever that I have fallen in love with my city so much because have to stay away from. The sweetest fruit is always the forbidden one.
And with only 2 more days to go till the end of my 'mini-vacation', I can't wait for the Durga Puja vacations to come, which is about 45 days from today. Wait for me Oh Calcutta! For I shall be back before you know it, again! ;-)

The Summer Vacation That Was

I’m in the train right now, my parents sitting silently across me. I stare out of the window, the world outside blazing past me, reflecting the pace at which my summer vacation went – three whole months, a seemingly infinite duration, and yet I was on my way back to my harsher home now, my hostel, and college.

It was then that I took my laptop out, and started writing this. A little something, not too detailed though, to help me look back at those 82 days, the longest ever vacation of my life, till date. New people, new places, new friends. And not a single one I regret! And through this, I want to thank all the people for having made my summer vacations so memorable, and not let me get bored for even a fraction of a second.

Firstly, Shahana, for asking me to join her and her friends to watch The Japanese Wife, and giving me the opportunity to meet such great people like Ritwik Goswami, Adrija Chatterjee, Rohan Ghosh, Puja Rohra, Debadrita Modak, Rupkatha Sarkar, and Lijo Varughese, who were till then just familiar faces from Facebook. Also, Sayantika, along with Shahana of course, for listening to every stupid joke of mine during the movie, and laughing at the same, reminding me why we had been best friends once upon a time in the first place.

Thank you Anirvan, for going out with me numerous times, despite having a parallel social life, and introducing me to such wonderful people like Trisha Ray and Aditya Bidikar, and thank you also, Oindrilla for introducing me to Pratyay Ghosh and Neo Bhattacharya, though I knew Trisha and Neo from much before that. Thank you Trisha, for calling me over to your place for lunch, and Fight Club. :) Thank you Pratyay and Neo for those sudden facebook chat pop ups, which led to hilarious, pointless conversations! :P You too, Rohan Ghosh. :)

Thank you Abhigyan, for convincing me to watch Rajneeti, and those numerous (unnecessary, though) treats. You saved me a lot of money. :) You too, Guddu, for watching The Bounty Hunter, Badmaash Company, and Edge of Darkness with me, movies perhaps I would not have watched otherwise. :P And also, yet again, for saving some of my expenses. Thank you Chiru, for taking me to watch crappy yet keora bangla flicks – read: Amanush. You’ve started that trend in me. :P
Thank you CRY, for getting to work with and also know my own college mates (I rarely talk to otherwise) better – Aritra Bose and Sreya Saha. Also for giving me the chance to meet Arpan Biswas, who unexpectedly became such a good friend in such a short time. And also to give me the chance to meet Sripriya Poddar, Priya Gupta, Chirag Jain and Piyush Bagaria, who are really nice people. And Arpan, I guess I should thank you for the Miss Intern “award”? :P

Thank you Anirvan, once again, for watching Date Night and Shutter Island with me. It’s a pity we didn’t get to watch I Hate Luv Storys, but we got something better instead. Thank you also, for giving me the chance to watch Equilibrium practice, which kind of brought back memories of my own band practices at school. And also to finally meet Kabir Chattopadhyay. Had heard so much about him from you. Thank you Krittika for the treat at KFC, and also for inviting me over for lunch. You’re as cordial as ever. :) And also thanks for donating all those clothes, and helping me work for a cause. Thank you Aankita, for meeting me, and catching up with good times. It’s always a pleasure to hang out with you. :)

Thank you Sayoni, for calling me over to your place, and having such a great times, like old days, with you, Soumi, Chandy and also Niptika. Thank you Neo, yet again, for making me a part of the “last adda” and lunch at Grub Club, for teaching me ‘taash’ which I will definitely make use of in hostel. ;) Also for giving me the chance to meet Rohan Mittra, who I’m sure is a great guy (from what I hear). And of course, thank you for the immense help with the articles. Big treat you will get when we meet again. :) And thank you Rohan Mittra, for giving me a good dp for facebook. It was a welcome change after the Argentina Flag which was getting quite boring indeed! Hoping to meet you again during Pujo. :)

Thank you Devarchana, for meeting me almost after a year (!), and there could be no better place to meet at, than LST, where it all began. :) Thank you Trisha, Adi and Anirvan for Bon Appetite. Do go back there once again to try the mushroom on toast. Lip smacking it is! Thank you again, Trisha, for calling me to watch Toy Story 3. One great movie it was, and will top my list of favorite animated movies for days to come now. And thank you Aditto, for just being my friend, and the extremely nice person that you are. :) Oh, and also for providing me with your short stories which were quite a delightful read before hitting the sack every night. Hoping to see more of you too during Pujo. And a HUGE thank you to Anirvan, Trisha and Adi for the surprise farewell and that amazing farewell card, and that balloon! It brought back the feeling I had had last year while leaving the city for the first time, and while getting my first farewell back then. Also Aditto, for planning the mode of surprise. :)

And last but not the least, thank you Ma, thank you Babuji, and thank you Dada, for buying me every minute thing I wanted, for the vacation at Raigunj in North Bengal, for Le Chhakka, for being there with me for 4 hours till I had passed my driving test, for putting up with every little nagging I did during my stay, and loving me through and through. Also right now, for accompanying me all the way to Cuttack till I settle down in my new hostel. Love you guys like crazy!

It has been a good vacation, (barring my almost hectic internship with CRY), and I can’t wait to go back home already! Maybe it’ll be a couple of days before I actually post this online, what with all the shifting and settling down with the entire luggage. Nevertheless, this summer will always remain special to me, this summer of 2010. :)

Oitto. "Dear Diary" types.

Dear blog,

I know it has been a quite a while since I wrote to you last. More than two months to be precise. That is the longest I have been away from you since the time I created you. But you see, you can't really blame me. I have been quite busy. In fact I have been extremely busy from before my last post itself! First the regular snap tests at college. Then the seemingly never-ending series of projects and their respective presentations. And not to mention the Terror called 'End Semester Examination' - the topping to the distasteful cake - and the tensions preceding it. I have barely had time to breathe at all in those two months (March-April), with most of my time being spent at the library, flipping through class notes, or struggling with the project topics. I know I didn't write to you even after the exams ended. But you see, quite obviously, what follows after a big examination ends is a little party. And so I did indulge in some merriment, for I am, after all, also human. Then I also had a lot of packing to do for the next day, when I would be leaving for my hometown quite early in the morning. Thus a whole night of packing, devoid of absolutely any sleep, followed the much ordinary merry-making. Coming back home, that too for a vacation of almost two and half months, one would have thought, should make way for ample time to relax, with not a worry in the world. However, Fate had other plans it seems.

Now, dearest blog, you have to understand that when a person suddenly gets so much of freedom from academic pressure and tension, he/she naturally wont go back to anything that involves sitting down and writing (or, typing). And so was the case with me. I preferred going out almost everyday, hanging out with friends, watching a movie or two, KFC-ing, and you know, the usual stuff I do in Kolkata, which I don't normally get to do back in Cuttack. And by the time I actually got tired of all this, and wanted to re-connect with you, my internship at CRY started. And since then, trust me, everything I had planned for the vacation has gone haywire. Not only have I been burdened with countless research work and repeated revision of reports, but we also have had to design and distribute pamphlets. And all of this in this blasted heat. Temperatures appear to be around boiling point out here. At least the Tulip-boiling point. It's impossible to live away from the AC. Seriously. And considering the kind of lazy person I am, even dragging myself out of the house in this wretched heat everyday itself is toilsome! And then the little online job I took up. Rs.70 per article is a small pay, but not all that bad. After all, at the end of the day, I am a city-girl, with city-girl-like shopping demands - a pair of converse shoes (Converse All Star brand, no less), "few" clothes, some accesories, maybe a pair of aviator shades, and a few other things.. And considering the gallons of money my dad has already spent and still keeps spending on me, it seemed to me really mean to be asking money for my shopping spree. And thus the job. But this "little" online job turned out to be no little at all! In fact, it burdened me even more than CRY! Even though it is just 2 articles per day, the topics are insane! And they require a huge amount of research online! Which means, yet again, I have barely had the time to sleep or even breathe! I wonder how i keep landing myself into such miserable situations. But not to worry, dear blog, 'cause I have quit from the job. Yes, I have had enough. I have realised I have a life, and money can wait. Honestly. And thus, I have been able to sit in peace today and write all of this (bullshit) to you. *beeeeg smile* And I'm sure more posts are to follow soon. 'Cause right now I have a lot of ideas running through my mind. So you need not miss me anymore. :)

My next week's schedule is almost packed yet again. And when my own friends ask me to meet up and hang out, the conversation always goes "Not this week. I'm booked." And the kind of feel-bad replies I get to that - "So we need to make appointments to meet you these days?" Hmmm. I should seriously consider making a planner for myself now, the kind businessmen normally use. Maybe I should get myself a Blackberry. :D sigh... That's all for now. The more or less important updates of the happenings in my life so far, since my last post. Hopefully my next post will be soon. And a little less pointless than this. What will I do now? Umm..take a short nap perhaps. Or watch a movie maybe. And the usual Sunday-chicken is being cooked. Can get the smell from here. Smells good. Will splurge into it as soon as it is done cooking. *whistling* "Life is goooood..."

Just Another Post.

More than a month since my last post.. my blog fully constructed but not much in use.. not many thoughts running through my mind (thanks to the many exams and also the many projects being hurled at us one after the other, not to mention the disturbing presentations following each submission of project) ... and to add to all the misery, I am terribly, terribly broke, and I have also recently lost a badminton match against a weaker opponent (courtesy: Invicta 2010, NUJS Sports Fest). And that is perhaps my biggest regret so far this year. Even more so than not having studied for my end sem exams and failing in two subjects thus. All in all, this is just a forced post where I just felt like writing though I haven't really much to write. Therefore I am going to take this opportunity to mention all the important people in my life. Since my very childhood I have had the ability (I call it so, since I find it very rare among my friends from contemporary times) to make friends with whoever I meet and retain the acquaintanceship for an appreciable time. As a result, there have been many people in my life. As is the case with anybody, most people only graze past our minds, barely touching our hearts, superficial bonding; but only a few really make it to the core, make a huge impact and are of great significance to us in more ways than one... in ways they themselves are unaware of... or if it's possible, in ways even we ourselves know not...

With this I would like to make a very honest mention of all those people who have ever meant so much to me, even if for a second, that I thought it worthy enough to make a public proclaimation of it. I have been hurt and betrayed many times, that too by the closest and most unexpected of people. Still the feeling of love and belonging never left. However we maybe today, whoever we maybe today, in some way or the other, we are responsible for each other. This list follows no order but the manner in which I found them, perhaps a little later, but found nevertheless. The purpose of this list is not to send a message to anybody, or to win back affections. It is a reflection of the pages of my life, perhaps chapters, significant chapters, which I intend to look back upon whenever I feel lonely, with the hope that it will return the smile to my lips reminding me of the many memories attached with every single person mentioned here...

Sukanya Dhar
Kaushiki Datta
Rinisha Dutt
Taniya Bhardwaj
Arpita Chatterjee
Soumi De
Shahana Yasmin
Sayantika Ghosh
Sayoni Ghosh
Sanchari Pal
Rini Mukherjee
Oindrilla Basu
Mrinalini Mazumdar
Chandreyee Saha Roy
Afreen Alam
Swati Gupta
Anwesha Roy
Krittika De
Mohor Mukherjee
Ranjini (Tori) Bhattacharya
Twisha Saha
Mukulika (Moon)
Bornali di
Mampia di
Mohini Basu
Aparna Chaudhari
Piu Ghosh
Aankita Mukherjee
Pooja Saha
Swagata Ganguly
Puja Maity
Sukanya Basak
Rajiv Sarkar
Natansh Chhabra
Moharmala Mukherjee
Rajorshi (Gorky) Bose
Pubali Chakraborty
Anisha Ghosh
Dibyajyoti Sinha
Richa Gupta
Unknown guy in the bus (from Dumdum/Kajipara to Ultadanga)
Karishma Sharma
Camelia Bagh
Vaidehi Shaw
Sambit Datta Chaudhuri
Samhita Bannerjee
Arghya Brata Mandal
Rohan Kothari
Ahona Sen
Anirvan Sengupta
Sarita Rout
Priyanka Mukherjee
Abhishek Mour
Jubin Prasad Thomas
Tanya Tiwari
Bhumika Mallick
Tarun Misra
Tanuj Gautam (R.I.P)
Varun Mohan
Anish Jaipuriar
Srisatya Mohanty
Ritabrata Dobe
Ritwik Goswami
Aditya Sengupta
Siddharth Mohanty
Sudeshna Panigrahi
Mayank Sapra
Santwana Dwivedi
Akshath Goyal....

Phew! Now that was ONE list! It turned out to be longer than I thought.. good in a way.. makes me feel less lonely somehow in times like this... Coming to think of it, most of these people are probably unaware of their significance in my life. A couple of them don't even know my name, or that I even exist!
Strange world.. Stranger relations.. Even stranger ways of The One who decides all this...

A Trip To Remember...

It has been exactly two weeks since my trip to Konark and Puri, yet the beauty of the journey (and the ultimate destination, Puri) keeps making me go back to the many pictures clicked and relive the memories afresh. And since my blog will mostly be about my life and how things have turnedout for me, I've decided to upload some of the pics as a remembrance of my first ever trip to Puri and Konark. I would not do justice to them if I don't. So here follows some of the best pics taken that day.. 24.01.10.

Bonolata Sen

Arguably the most read, recited and discussed poem of Bengali literature, 'Bonolata Sen' written by Jibanananda Das in 1933 remains one of my most favorite poems of all times. The poet's imaginary lover, Bonolata Sen, embodies a mystical aura of femininity and womanly warmth. With a feel of travelling through time immemorial, and across thousands of miles, and with the pitch darkness of the night as its backdrop, the poem has a soothing allure, and attracts me to it like a bee towards a flower. The poem has all the elements of every dreamer's fantasies, and like the greedy bee inevitably drawn towards the flower, I keep coming back to the poem, reading the lines time and again, regardless of the hundreds of times I have already been through them..

Hajar bochhor dhore ami poth hathitechhi prithibir pothe

Singhal somudro theke aro dur ondhokaare Maloy sagore

Onek ghurechhi ami. Bimbisar-Ashoker dhushor jogote

Shekhane chhilam ami. Aaro dur ondhokar bidorbho nogore

Aami klanto praan ek, chaaridike jiboner shomudro shofen,

Aamare du-dondo shanti diyechhilo Natorer Bonolata Sen.

Chool tar kobekar ondhokaar bidishaar nisha,

Mukh tar srabostir karukaarjo. Otidur shomidrer 'por

Haal bhange je naabik hariyechhe disha,

Shobuj ghaasher desh jokhon she chokhhe dekhe Daruchinir dweeper bhitor

Temoni dekhechhi taare ondhokaare.

Bolechhe she, "eto din kothaye chhilen?"

Paakhir neerer moto chokh tule Natorer Bonolata Sen.

Shomosto diner sheshe shishirer shobder moton

Shondhya aashe. Daanar roudrer gondho muchhe fele cheel.

Prithibir shob rong muchhe gele paandulipi kore aayojon,

Tokhon golper tore jonakir ronge jhilmil.

Shob paakhi ghore aashe - shob nodi. Furaye e' jiboner shob len-den.

Thake shudhu ondhokaar, mukhomukhi boshibar Bonolata Sen...

For thousands of years I roamed the paths of this earth,
From waters around Ceylon in dead of night to Malayan seas.
Much have I wandered. I was there in the gray world of Asoka
And Bimbisara, pressed on through darkness to the city of Vidarbha.
I am a weary heart surrounded by life's frothy ocean.
To me she gave a moment's peace - Banalata Sen from Natore.

Her hair was like an ancient darkling night in Vidisa
Her face, the craftsmanship of Sravasti. As the helmsman,
His rudder broken, far out upon the sea-adrift,
Sees the grass-green land of a cinnamon isle, just so
Through darkness I saw her. Said she, "Where have you been so long?"
And raised her bird's-nest-like eyes - Banalata Sen from Natore.

At days end, like hush of dew
Comes evening. A hawk wipes the scent of sunlight from its wings,
When earth's colors fade and some pale design is sketched,
Then glimmering fireflies paint in the story.
All birds come home, all rivers, all of this life's tasks finished.
Only darkness remains, as I sit there face to face with Banalata Sen...

Life Moves On...

An attempt to start preparing for a test (in vain), prolonged discussions with my fellow sports committee members over the upcoming NUJS Sports Meet - Invicta 2010 - a sudden postponing of the test, and an overall unproductive day (in terms of academics, of course) - led me to sit and watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. after a long gap of a week. Season 10, episode 10 - "The One Where Chandler Gets Caught". This is the episode where Chandler and Monica, after finally getting a pregnant woman to give them her baby, decide to move out of their old apartment and get a house of their own, outside the city, where they can raise their child the way they wanted to. Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe stare at them in utter disbelief that they could even imagine leaving the apartment so beloved to them, the place where they have lived and hung out for more than a decade. And as they all look back at all those precious memories attached to the place, I get transported back to the day I got to know I would be leaving my home, my beloved city, to come and live in a completely alien city with a bunch of completely alien people.

I have spent the entirety of my childhood in Kolkata; born and brought up. My entire schooling from just the one school, though I do have a multiple school history, each lasting for only a month or two (thanks to my parents' constant switching of residential preference) before I finally settled for Calcutta Girls' High School (which, surprisingly, is nowhere close to my current residence in Kolkata). My entire life revolved around this city, the city I had known for 18 whole years, every nook and corner, the city I had grown up to call Home.. And yet, I would be leaving it. And now that I come to think of it, for God knows how many years..
From the very moment I had laid my eyes on my NLUO results on 07.07.09, I knew I would be leaving my city for a small town like Cuttack ('Kotok', as my friends used to joke, and still do), 'cause I was not worthy enough to be in NUJS,WB, and I was too selfish to let go of something I wanted to do from a very long time, and that too from a national level university. Getting through NLUO was perhaps the biggest miracle of 2009 (especially following my disastrous result in CLAT, and the fact that NLUO's was the hardest question paper I had ever come across), beating even my qualifying the WBJEE and AIEEE (with not so much of an enviable rank, maybe, but not quite so disgracing either). D-day being 16.07.09, I made up my mind to spend my remaining few days in Kolkata roaming the city like never before, with my friends and family. Thus from Dumdum-Nagerbajar in the north, to Park Street-Victoria-Howrah in central, to Ballygunj-Gariahat-Tollygunj-Behala in the south; not a corner did I leave untouched. And sooner than even a house of cards could come down, my final week in Kolkata came to a close.

Packing had not taken much time, 'cuz I didn't really have much decision to make, what to take and what not to etc. I was literally moving out of my house to live elsewhere, which meant I practically had to take along with me everything material that my world comprised of. I wished I could take my entire house along with me, including my parents, from whom I would be living away for the first time in my life (I had never even been to a sleep-over or an overnight camp!). I also wished I could take all my wonderful friends along with me, who meant much more than my world itself. It would be unenduringly difficult living without them, especially in an unknown town with unknown people all around me. Who knew if I would ever fit in? Maybe I would be an outcaste in college. I shuddered at the thought of it. I had always got so much attention in school, I couldn't bear the thought of being ignored or looked down upon in a higher institute. However, the building lump in my throat outgrew the feeling of anticipated apprehension of living in an alien environment. I took a last look at everything around me, including petty things like the almirah in the bedroom, or the heap of newspapers long forgotten at the corner of the room adjoining our second floor balcony, things I had never bothered to look twice at, or even once for that matter, the weird feeling of void within me still growing. One last look at the seemingly teenage street pup I had seen growing up before my very eyes ever since it was born, the lone survivor of a litter of ten. As I fed him a biscuit and patted him, he seemed to understand I was telling him goodbye. He bowed down a little first, then sat down near my right foot, his little body against it, not letting me move. Even the lane by my house seemed different that day, like some kind of a strong magnet within it wouldn't let me budge..

Before long, I was already on my way to the station, and perhaps for the first time ever, I realised how beautiful my city was.. the 'City of Joy' indeed! My heart ached, but I had to control my emotions. I guess there's a time in everybody's life when you leave your past, and go over to a totally different new world. Sometimes, you just have to move on. And this was my call. No point looking back anymore. Move on.

"Going through the motions Can't turn back time

I've lost all devotion
I've had inside
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind

I've learned to believe I'll always get by
So many times I've wished my emotions would just give in
So I could be anything
Anything but human
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind
I've learned to believe I'll always get by
Life moves on or so I'm told
Life moves on..."