Life Moves On...

An attempt to start preparing for a test (in vain), prolonged discussions with my fellow sports committee members over the upcoming NUJS Sports Meet - Invicta 2010 - a sudden postponing of the test, and an overall unproductive day (in terms of academics, of course) - led me to sit and watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. after a long gap of a week. Season 10, episode 10 - "The One Where Chandler Gets Caught". This is the episode where Chandler and Monica, after finally getting a pregnant woman to give them her baby, decide to move out of their old apartment and get a house of their own, outside the city, where they can raise their child the way they wanted to. Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe stare at them in utter disbelief that they could even imagine leaving the apartment so beloved to them, the place where they have lived and hung out for more than a decade. And as they all look back at all those precious memories attached to the place, I get transported back to the day I got to know I would be leaving my home, my beloved city, to come and live in a completely alien city with a bunch of completely alien people.

I have spent the entirety of my childhood in Kolkata; born and brought up. My entire schooling from just the one school, though I do have a multiple school history, each lasting for only a month or two (thanks to my parents' constant switching of residential preference) before I finally settled for Calcutta Girls' High School (which, surprisingly, is nowhere close to my current residence in Kolkata). My entire life revolved around this city, the city I had known for 18 whole years, every nook and corner, the city I had grown up to call Home.. And yet, I would be leaving it. And now that I come to think of it, for God knows how many years..
From the very moment I had laid my eyes on my NLUO results on 07.07.09, I knew I would be leaving my city for a small town like Cuttack ('Kotok', as my friends used to joke, and still do), 'cause I was not worthy enough to be in NUJS,WB, and I was too selfish to let go of something I wanted to do from a very long time, and that too from a national level university. Getting through NLUO was perhaps the biggest miracle of 2009 (especially following my disastrous result in CLAT, and the fact that NLUO's was the hardest question paper I had ever come across), beating even my qualifying the WBJEE and AIEEE (with not so much of an enviable rank, maybe, but not quite so disgracing either). D-day being 16.07.09, I made up my mind to spend my remaining few days in Kolkata roaming the city like never before, with my friends and family. Thus from Dumdum-Nagerbajar in the north, to Park Street-Victoria-Howrah in central, to Ballygunj-Gariahat-Tollygunj-Behala in the south; not a corner did I leave untouched. And sooner than even a house of cards could come down, my final week in Kolkata came to a close.

Packing had not taken much time, 'cuz I didn't really have much decision to make, what to take and what not to etc. I was literally moving out of my house to live elsewhere, which meant I practically had to take along with me everything material that my world comprised of. I wished I could take my entire house along with me, including my parents, from whom I would be living away for the first time in my life (I had never even been to a sleep-over or an overnight camp!). I also wished I could take all my wonderful friends along with me, who meant much more than my world itself. It would be unenduringly difficult living without them, especially in an unknown town with unknown people all around me. Who knew if I would ever fit in? Maybe I would be an outcaste in college. I shuddered at the thought of it. I had always got so much attention in school, I couldn't bear the thought of being ignored or looked down upon in a higher institute. However, the building lump in my throat outgrew the feeling of anticipated apprehension of living in an alien environment. I took a last look at everything around me, including petty things like the almirah in the bedroom, or the heap of newspapers long forgotten at the corner of the room adjoining our second floor balcony, things I had never bothered to look twice at, or even once for that matter, the weird feeling of void within me still growing. One last look at the seemingly teenage street pup I had seen growing up before my very eyes ever since it was born, the lone survivor of a litter of ten. As I fed him a biscuit and patted him, he seemed to understand I was telling him goodbye. He bowed down a little first, then sat down near my right foot, his little body against it, not letting me move. Even the lane by my house seemed different that day, like some kind of a strong magnet within it wouldn't let me budge..

Before long, I was already on my way to the station, and perhaps for the first time ever, I realised how beautiful my city was.. the 'City of Joy' indeed! My heart ached, but I had to control my emotions. I guess there's a time in everybody's life when you leave your past, and go over to a totally different new world. Sometimes, you just have to move on. And this was my call. No point looking back anymore. Move on.

"Going through the motions Can't turn back time

I've lost all devotion
I've had inside
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind

I've learned to believe I'll always get by
So many times I've wished my emotions would just give in
So I could be anything
Anything but human
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind
I've learned to believe I'll always get by
Life moves on or so I'm told
Life moves on..."