Some random bickering.

Too many projects at the moment. One gets started before the other gets over. Basically, Life sucks now. I'm hating every moment of it. And I blame myself for it. Almost 3 months of prior notice, yet I keep everything for the last moment. And I literally mean the last moment.
Only four days allotted to Political Science. And we got so much work done on the third last day. If only we had done as much work 3 months ago. (It's funny how I have similar thoughts and similar repentances every sem. Oops.) Same goes for Constitutional Law. That is a very difficult subject we've got in our course. Besides the other very difficult subjects, I mean. Then there is the Contract presentation. And the Socio and Eco drafts. All that and the end-sems, which are like barely a month away.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
I'm going crazy.

The way we want it.

Have you ever wondered, or given a thought to how things never work out the way we want them to. Remember how as a kid, we wanted that particular ice-cream of that particular flavor from that particular shop? And remember how we never got that? And when years later we could get any flavor ice cream from any shop, it hardly ever mattered to us. Why is it that the world's sweetest pleasures are the ones you cannot get? And why is it that when you can finally get that something you've always wanted, it is not so great anymore?

Over the years, I have learnt that things work out best in life when they are unplanned. But before that, I must mention again, how things never work out the way we plan them out in our minds from (much, perhaps) before hand. The perfect plan. It can be for anything. Say, a date. Or a lecture. A speech maybe. A regular class at school or college, or at tuition, where you want to impress that cute guy or girl you've recently developed a crush on. Or it can be simply meeting someone special. And we hope, pray with all our heart, that it all works out just the way we planned it. Act by act. Including the reaction from the other person(s). It's right there, all worked out in our mind. But when the time finally comes - poof! The bubble you had so perfectly created in your mind bursts. You don't say the words to your crush which you had so perfectly played out in your mind, or it doesn't invoke the kind of reaction you had expected. And sooner than you know it, one by one, the whole plan comes crashing down. The speech is forgotten. You don't come across as that smart or funny as you had intended to. It's all gone wrong, almost every bit of it. You realize sooner than later that nothing ever really works out as you planned it. Not even one bit. That's when you just leave it to Fate. Let whatever is bound to happen, happen.

And then.
Comes the miracle.

Something happens. Something simple, yet wonderful. A smile from that cute guy or girl, those amazing words you just tell your date impromptu without having thought of them earlier, maybe a funny line you hadn't thought of earlier, or a witty remark in your forgotten speech, or that remarkably simple way to explain your theory to the class which hadn't struck you earlier. These were, put in simple words, things which were never part of the plan. Yet, they were the best that could have happened.

It's true. The most beautiful things in Life are the unplanned ones. And I can say that so firmly because it has happened to me so many times. In fact, time and again, every single time I have planned out my actions. Therefore I have stopped planning my life. I leave it totally on Fate and allow my life to take it's own course without giving it much thought. And this by far has been one of the best decisions I have taken.

We often tend to think it would have been really nice that if this particular thing happened to us, or if our life had been that way, like that lucky guy there who "has everything one can ask for". But that is not how life works. It is not some story you have already written that you are living. Life never really gives you what you want. But it always gives you something better. The most wonderful of things happen when you least expect it.

Life is a mystery.
And it is this mystery that makes it the most wonderful thing in the world.

Rains...

"And when it rains
On this side of town it touches everything
Just say it again and mean it
It don't miss a thing

You made yourself a bed
At the bottom of the blackest hole
And convinced yourself that
It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore" : Paramore

Rains. Through time immemorial have they been associated with times of despair and gloom, by poets, singers and even regular people like me alike. 'Rain' has been almost synonymous with tears, throughout ages. Break-ups, departures, heartbreaks, those lonely times...

"And when it rains
Will you always find an escape?
Just running away
From all of the ones who love you
From everything"

Many of my friends hate the rains for they render the roads muddy and justtoomuchmessy. They hate it because it spoils their hair/make-up. It wets their clothes, destroying their "whole purpose of going out". As for me, I have always loved the rains. They denote joy and happiness to me. I love the smell of the rain, of the water on the grass, and of the wet soil. I love to hear the sound of the rain against my glass window, against the unquenched thirst of the earth. I love the feeling of freshness that envelopes me everytime it rains.



"Rain, Rain don’t go away
Rain, Rain I hope you stay..."

I love it when the rain comes and washes off the dirt from the air and the not-so-green leaves of city trees, rendering them fresh and lush green. It feels great when right after the scorching heat of the summer the first rains hit the city. It feels like Life in itself. Like being born again. I love drawing random shapes with my inartistic finger on the foggy bus window each time it rains. I love those rain-related songs they play on the radio when it pours all through the day. I love watching the rain, and tracing those drops right from heaven till they hit the little pool they themselves created on the surface of the earth where mortals reside. And I never get bored of it. Rain is fascinating.

Perhaps one of the most important things I associate rains with - I love the prospect of having 'Khichudi' with some ghee or butter melted on it, and some fries - potatoes, fish, scrambled egg, or crispy pakodas/badas made out of just anything - to accompany it, for lunch. Rains give me the incentive to simply lie down on my bed, get under the sheets and think. Think of things and fantasies, of the random randoms, which normally don't find place in my otherwise-packed schedule of day-to-day activities I am forced to call 'Life'. And my best thoughts come during such times.



Even now, as I stare out of the window, the heavenly waters splashing against my window, the familiar sound and smell of freshness filling my senses, all that I desire is to jump out into the streets, break all bounds, into freedom, and sing in the rain.

"I'm singing in the rain
Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin'
I'm happy again
I'm laughing at clouds
So dark up above
The sun's in my heart
And I'm ready for love
Let the stormy clouds chase
Everyone from the place
Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain

Dancin' in the rain
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah
I'm happy again!
I'm singin' and dancin' in the rain!" : "Singing In The Rain"

Reason enough to keep going back to Plath.

Always in the middle of a kiss
Came the profane stimulus to cough;
Always from the pulpit during service
Leaned the devil prompting you to laugh.

Behind mock-ceremony of your grief
Lurked the burlesque instinct of the ham;
You never altered your amused belief
That life was a mere monumental sham.

From the comic accident of birth
To the final grotesque joke of death
Your malady of sacrilegious mirth
Spread gay contagion with each clever breath.

Now you must play the straight man for a term
And tolerate the humor of the worm.

- Sylvia Plath ("Dirge for a Joker")

Back in city.

Okay so a little over a month, and I'm back to Kolkata. And home was never so beautiful. Getting a 15-day break right when the academic pressure had reached its peak, and quite an unexpected one at that. And breaks were never sweeter!

The reason for the break, though, isn't that happy. Swine Flu. Yes, that's true. It's finally hit Orissa, with a bang that too. Over 10 deaths in the state within a week, the affected number even higher, much higher. A little flashback wouldn't hurt at this point.

So the much awaited freshers party for the juniors has finally got over with (one relief, that.), though it was not even half as good as we had planned it initially. But whatever, at least they were lucky enough to get one, the way things were headed. Fast forward two days, and the university announces a tentative closure for 15 days. Rejoice. Terror. Happiness. Fear. Hope. Rush. Confusion. Humour. Trust only a university of national stature to convey as many emotions as that, all at once. The sudden freedom from all things academic, the nail-biting thinking 'next-who?' when all your college mates report fever and other swine flu-ish symptoms one by one (a whooping 70 population reported fever in all, maybe more), the ultimate terror when one of our own actually did report positive for the much dreaded flu, the rush over tickets to see who can escape the prison before anyone else. And I'm not kidding when I use the 'prison'.

Prohibited from going beyond the big iron gates which marks the entrance at any time of the day, we were no less than prisoners. And our "jail-uniform" was our swine flu mask (besides our normal clothes, of course.)
And our food was no different from the gruel they serve in prisons. And even thinking non-veg was a crime. We were told to avoid close proximity with any other human, which meant we spent almost our "prisoner"-days within our little cells, and yes, with our inmates. And with nothing to do. In fact, there came a point where people actually got tired of watching movies (back2back) on their laptops. And sleeping. So when the Big Day when all our 10-tablets-'Tami-flu' prescriptions finally ended, our joy knew no boundaries! We were all headed home. More so for the juniors, as it was their first trip back home since they joined college.

So after a good 5 days of joblessness, here I am, back in the city, for a good 10 days.
And coming to the third metro city in the country after a frustrating one month in a still developing town (I like to call it that) like Cuttack was a welcome relief! The necessary implications - KFC, Shopping, Movies (4 movies, in a span of 10 days!), KFC, Domino's, a certain birthday party, getting back together with old buddies, KFC, Shopping (again!), awesome home-cooked food, Ilish maachh, a new pair of Converse All Star, the good ol' streets of Calcutta, Mamabari, Driving, oh and did I mention KFC? :P
Sigh. Life was never better. And it is now more clear than ever that I have fallen in love with my city so much because have to stay away from. The sweetest fruit is always the forbidden one.
And with only 2 more days to go till the end of my 'mini-vacation', I can't wait for the Durga Puja vacations to come, which is about 45 days from today. Wait for me Oh Calcutta! For I shall be back before you know it, again! ;-)