Bonolata Sen

Arguably the most read, recited and discussed poem of Bengali literature, 'Bonolata Sen' written by Jibanananda Das in 1933 remains one of my most favorite poems of all times. The poet's imaginary lover, Bonolata Sen, embodies a mystical aura of femininity and womanly warmth. With a feel of travelling through time immemorial, and across thousands of miles, and with the pitch darkness of the night as its backdrop, the poem has a soothing allure, and attracts me to it like a bee towards a flower. The poem has all the elements of every dreamer's fantasies, and like the greedy bee inevitably drawn towards the flower, I keep coming back to the poem, reading the lines time and again, regardless of the hundreds of times I have already been through them..

Hajar bochhor dhore ami poth hathitechhi prithibir pothe

Singhal somudro theke aro dur ondhokaare Maloy sagore

Onek ghurechhi ami. Bimbisar-Ashoker dhushor jogote

Shekhane chhilam ami. Aaro dur ondhokar bidorbho nogore

Aami klanto praan ek, chaaridike jiboner shomudro shofen,

Aamare du-dondo shanti diyechhilo Natorer Bonolata Sen.

Chool tar kobekar ondhokaar bidishaar nisha,

Mukh tar srabostir karukaarjo. Otidur shomidrer 'por

Haal bhange je naabik hariyechhe disha,

Shobuj ghaasher desh jokhon she chokhhe dekhe Daruchinir dweeper bhitor

Temoni dekhechhi taare ondhokaare.

Bolechhe she, "eto din kothaye chhilen?"

Paakhir neerer moto chokh tule Natorer Bonolata Sen.

Shomosto diner sheshe shishirer shobder moton

Shondhya aashe. Daanar roudrer gondho muchhe fele cheel.

Prithibir shob rong muchhe gele paandulipi kore aayojon,

Tokhon golper tore jonakir ronge jhilmil.

Shob paakhi ghore aashe - shob nodi. Furaye e' jiboner shob len-den.

Thake shudhu ondhokaar, mukhomukhi boshibar Bonolata Sen...

For thousands of years I roamed the paths of this earth,
From waters around Ceylon in dead of night to Malayan seas.
Much have I wandered. I was there in the gray world of Asoka
And Bimbisara, pressed on through darkness to the city of Vidarbha.
I am a weary heart surrounded by life's frothy ocean.
To me she gave a moment's peace - Banalata Sen from Natore.

Her hair was like an ancient darkling night in Vidisa
Her face, the craftsmanship of Sravasti. As the helmsman,
His rudder broken, far out upon the sea-adrift,
Sees the grass-green land of a cinnamon isle, just so
Through darkness I saw her. Said she, "Where have you been so long?"
And raised her bird's-nest-like eyes - Banalata Sen from Natore.

At days end, like hush of dew
Comes evening. A hawk wipes the scent of sunlight from its wings,
When earth's colors fade and some pale design is sketched,
Then glimmering fireflies paint in the story.
All birds come home, all rivers, all of this life's tasks finished.
Only darkness remains, as I sit there face to face with Banalata Sen...

Life Moves On...

An attempt to start preparing for a test (in vain), prolonged discussions with my fellow sports committee members over the upcoming NUJS Sports Meet - Invicta 2010 - a sudden postponing of the test, and an overall unproductive day (in terms of academics, of course) - led me to sit and watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. after a long gap of a week. Season 10, episode 10 - "The One Where Chandler Gets Caught". This is the episode where Chandler and Monica, after finally getting a pregnant woman to give them her baby, decide to move out of their old apartment and get a house of their own, outside the city, where they can raise their child the way they wanted to. Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe stare at them in utter disbelief that they could even imagine leaving the apartment so beloved to them, the place where they have lived and hung out for more than a decade. And as they all look back at all those precious memories attached to the place, I get transported back to the day I got to know I would be leaving my home, my beloved city, to come and live in a completely alien city with a bunch of completely alien people.

I have spent the entirety of my childhood in Kolkata; born and brought up. My entire schooling from just the one school, though I do have a multiple school history, each lasting for only a month or two (thanks to my parents' constant switching of residential preference) before I finally settled for Calcutta Girls' High School (which, surprisingly, is nowhere close to my current residence in Kolkata). My entire life revolved around this city, the city I had known for 18 whole years, every nook and corner, the city I had grown up to call Home.. And yet, I would be leaving it. And now that I come to think of it, for God knows how many years..
From the very moment I had laid my eyes on my NLUO results on 07.07.09, I knew I would be leaving my city for a small town like Cuttack ('Kotok', as my friends used to joke, and still do), 'cause I was not worthy enough to be in NUJS,WB, and I was too selfish to let go of something I wanted to do from a very long time, and that too from a national level university. Getting through NLUO was perhaps the biggest miracle of 2009 (especially following my disastrous result in CLAT, and the fact that NLUO's was the hardest question paper I had ever come across), beating even my qualifying the WBJEE and AIEEE (with not so much of an enviable rank, maybe, but not quite so disgracing either). D-day being 16.07.09, I made up my mind to spend my remaining few days in Kolkata roaming the city like never before, with my friends and family. Thus from Dumdum-Nagerbajar in the north, to Park Street-Victoria-Howrah in central, to Ballygunj-Gariahat-Tollygunj-Behala in the south; not a corner did I leave untouched. And sooner than even a house of cards could come down, my final week in Kolkata came to a close.

Packing had not taken much time, 'cuz I didn't really have much decision to make, what to take and what not to etc. I was literally moving out of my house to live elsewhere, which meant I practically had to take along with me everything material that my world comprised of. I wished I could take my entire house along with me, including my parents, from whom I would be living away for the first time in my life (I had never even been to a sleep-over or an overnight camp!). I also wished I could take all my wonderful friends along with me, who meant much more than my world itself. It would be unenduringly difficult living without them, especially in an unknown town with unknown people all around me. Who knew if I would ever fit in? Maybe I would be an outcaste in college. I shuddered at the thought of it. I had always got so much attention in school, I couldn't bear the thought of being ignored or looked down upon in a higher institute. However, the building lump in my throat outgrew the feeling of anticipated apprehension of living in an alien environment. I took a last look at everything around me, including petty things like the almirah in the bedroom, or the heap of newspapers long forgotten at the corner of the room adjoining our second floor balcony, things I had never bothered to look twice at, or even once for that matter, the weird feeling of void within me still growing. One last look at the seemingly teenage street pup I had seen growing up before my very eyes ever since it was born, the lone survivor of a litter of ten. As I fed him a biscuit and patted him, he seemed to understand I was telling him goodbye. He bowed down a little first, then sat down near my right foot, his little body against it, not letting me move. Even the lane by my house seemed different that day, like some kind of a strong magnet within it wouldn't let me budge..

Before long, I was already on my way to the station, and perhaps for the first time ever, I realised how beautiful my city was.. the 'City of Joy' indeed! My heart ached, but I had to control my emotions. I guess there's a time in everybody's life when you leave your past, and go over to a totally different new world. Sometimes, you just have to move on. And this was my call. No point looking back anymore. Move on.

"Going through the motions Can't turn back time

I've lost all devotion
I've had inside
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind

I've learned to believe I'll always get by
So many times I've wished my emotions would just give in
So I could be anything
Anything but human
Like anyone I've learned to play like I'm blind
I've learned to believe I'll always get by
Life moves on or so I'm told
Life moves on..."

English Translation of the song "Ibn-E-Batuta"

This is what happens when a test keeps getting postponed and one finally loses interest in even trying to study the subject. One becomes jobless, loses interest in anything that might be fruitful, and ends up doing weird, not-so-necessary stuff as this. With a little help from Google Translate (However, I must say maximum credit, if any, should be given to me), I have put the not-making-much-sense current obsession of mine into English, hoping perhaps there will be more clarity now. I have also made certain modifications, which I'm sure will not be too hard to ignore (Where lies the point anyway?). However, I must warn that whoever decides to go further than this, must essentially be a jobless person. That would atleast save me the criticism, if not fetch some appreciation. Hope you enjoy (not!) it. Here goes..

Ibn-e-batuta ta ta ta ..

Ibn-e-batuta ta ta, in the armpit shoe hah, hah, hah
Ibn-e-batuta ta ta, in the armpit shoe hah, hah, hah
When u wear it, it goes churrrrr!!!

Flying flying it comes, nibbling at the grains,
Flying flying it comes, nibbling at the grains,
Fly away you bird, phurrrrr!!!

Ibn-e-batuta ta ta, in the armpit shoe hah, hah, hah
When u wear it, it goes churrrrr!!!
Flying flying it comes, nibbling at the grains,
Fly away you bird, phurrrrr!!!

Ibn-e-batuta, Ibn-e-batuta

In the next turn, Death is standing
Arrey even for dying, what's the hurry?


In the next turn, Death is standing
Arrey even for dying, what's the hurry?
Blowing horn, comes in public
Hooo than accident, it is much better
Go fly away fly away phurrrr phurrr phurrr!!!!

Ibn-e-batuta ta ta, in the armpit shoe hah, hah, hah
When u wear it, it goes churrrrr!!!
Flying flying it comes, nibbling at the grains,
Fly away you bird, phurrrrr!!!

(Ibn-eeeeee ... batoootaaa, Ibn-eeeeeee ... batootaaa...)

From both sides, rings this
Has come Life, is this a drum? (???)

From both sides, rings this
Has come Life, is this a drum?
Ringing horn, come to garden
Arrey little u have come, it is ghajro datt (Nowhere could I find what that meant!!!)
Arrey go go go fly away fly away
Phurrr phurrr phurrr!!!!

Ibn-e-batuta ta ta, in the armpit shoe hah, hah, hah
When u wear it, it goes churrrrr!!!
Flying flying it comes, nibbling at the grains,
Fly away you bird, phurrrrr!!!!!!

Disclaimer: The above thing, whatever you may call it, is purely the creation of an idle and stupid mind. Resemblance with any person or animal, dead or living, is purely coincidental.

Happy New Year... indeed.

So how did you spend your New Year's? What all did you do? Embarrassed to answer this question? Spent new year's eve doing nothing but sitting at home, watching TV perhaps? Shows like F.R.I.E.N.D.S., or maybe a movie or two, which still reminds you of Christmas, yet cursing your Fate that everybody around the Globe is outside, busy partying and merry-making, while you're at home all alone, sitting and sulking all the while? Well, this post goes out to all those people who feel that their New Year's sucked. Hope this makes you feel better, if at all, about yourself..

One fine Thursday morning. Like any other Thursday morning. Just that no college. Hence the absolute freedom to wake up any time I wanted. To wake up anytime I want.. hmmm.. now That is what I call a holiday! But still I woke up earlier than any given normal day. A certain excitement not letting me laze even for a while. Not overtly surprising, I don't think so. After all, it was the last day of such a crucial year - the year that marked a change so big in my life: abandoning the 14-year-old habit of anticipating going to school every morning, leaving the place the first thing I always woke up to see, getting into a university, coming to live in a city completely alien to me, with completely alien people (barring a few exceptions) - a completely different life altogether! With all these thoughts running through my mind, I was perhaps the first one to wake up in my home that day. And from the very moment I woke up, I scanned through my mental planner of what all I could do to make the day as special as I wanted it to be. And in time I remembered I had a doctor's appointment in the evening for which I COULD NOT have a plan. What a great way indeed to spend the last day of the year, I thought. Sucks, to be precise.

Resigning to my fate, I grumpily stepped out of my house, unconsciously doing my usual check on the 2 puppies taking shelter in a cosy corner outside the gate of my house. Golu and Polu I had named them. They were perhaps my only source of joy in a moment as frustrating as this. After playing and cuddling them for atleast half an hour, and after wishing them a very happy new year ahead, I went back to my lonely, dark room. Going online to social networking sites on "festive" days as this, I consider, is simply sad. And however much I hated the thought, I was one of them today. The act, however, did cheer me up a little. I had friends posting status msgs like "It's new year and I'm stuck at home doing nothing" and "New Year sucks without any plan". This seemed to be the fate of most of my friends, both from school as well as college. One of my friends, in fact, was suffering from a severe bout of loose motion (though i still don't understand why she couldn't come over to a friend's place, where I'm sure she would have easy access to the toilet). In any case, I was unusually glad that I wasn't alone. The day wouldn't be that bad, after all.

Evening came. My Mama from Jamshedpur gave us a surprise. Well actually, he wanted to give Mami a surprise, who would be arriving today at the airport from Mumbai at 7.10 pm sharp, and we were just a part of the surprise. Well, suits me, I thought. After all, the more, the merrier. We went to the doctor at Manicktala. My appointment was at 5. We entered the place to see an entire room full of losers who were wasting their new year's eve at a doctor's chamber. Trying to ignore the fact I was one of them, I went forward and squeezed myself in between not-so-friendly-looking big fat aunties. Thankfully the TV was on with the correct channel - MTV - and not some shitty news channel, as is usually the case in such places. The Doctor was an hour late, we found out. Which didn't really spell that much of doom for me, 'cause I didn't really have commitments elsewhere, did I?

2 hours later, the journey to the airport wasn't all that boring. Too many people and cars out on the roads clearly meant a lot of traffic jam. Torture for my parents and Mama, but a treat for me. I have always liked to be amidst a lot of people, the sad situation of being a mere spectator in the current scenario notwithstanding. Ahem. Texting almost all my friends on the way, we reached the airport just in time to see my Mami waiting outside the airport with her lone luggage. Taking my chance, I suggested going to Domino's for dinner ("all of us together on new year's..it'll really be fun Ma!"), but only to the most predictable "Na, bari te onek khabar rakha achhe" ("Nahi, ghar me bohot khana hai" for my non-bengali-understanding friends). Half way through, on our way back home (and it was'nt even 8 o' clock!!), Dad goes crazy - well, he had been acting crazy lately.. in the morning itself he had suggested going to Millenium Park! Millenium Park on New Year's!! Only a madman would take the risk of going there with family!! - and now he wanted to take us to Park Street! Dad, who has never, in his entire life, taken us out ANYWHERE at ANY TIME of the year, was taking an initiative to take us to the most happening place to be at during this Christmas-New Year's time. Maybe he really did miss my presence at home as much as he claimed. Hmmm. Hardly believing my luck (and ears), and with an all new respect for Dad, we changed our route and headed towards Park Street.. the place where Christmas and New Year was Mardi Gras. Eyes and mouth open wide at astonishment, I grasped as much of the decorations and the crowd as my eyes could within its range. It was the first time ever in my life that I was at Park Street during this time of the year, that too so late at night (9 pm, to be precise. Pretty late, by my standards). The various clubs, restaurants, lighted churches and christian colleges (Loreto and St. Xaviers' to be precise)... the entire feel of Christmas was awesome! It was like party all around! And so many people..hundreds of them, all out on the streets, just to be in the middle of everything, even if that meant being controlled by the police from getting into the middle of the road (there was no place for so many on the sidewalks). And then Dad's second surprise. Stopping by Anadi's Cabin, the oldest possible place in the area, but with an unbeatable classical heritage and reputation of making the best moghlai in the city. Had the most amazing dinner, comprising of moghlai and mutton kosha! Maybe Santa was rewarding me for being such a good girl all day. Before long, we headed back home. I was happy. I had got more than I could ask for - new year's eve with my family, spent well, for the first time in my life. So my parents did know how to have fun!

Ultimately, we reached home. The gali completely silent. Only faint music from some new bengali movie being played in a distant house. And a soft whining. I turned to look at the source. Oh dear god, please don't let this this be what I think it is.. Taking the key from Ma, I opened our house door and switched on our porch light to confirm. And there, lying right in front of our gate, was Polu, not moving, not breathing. And beside him the soft whining noise called Golu. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. This was not how I had intended the day to end. Or even imagined. Never, in my wildest dreams. Probably a car had accidentally hit him while he was sleeping there, not suspecting any danger to befall him in that well-known safe corner of his. Or maybe it was the extreme cold. After all, the temperature was falling everyday. Maybe he died in his sleep not feeling any kind of pain, I tried to convince myself. I hoped it was the car. Death would probably have been instant then. Ignore, I told myself. I tried hard to ignore the thoughts that the December born pup could not survive long enough to see the new year, that his accomplice in everything was now alone, that his little body which could easily fit into my palms, would be lying unnoticed till perhaps when the municipality's garbage people would come in the morning to take him away and throw him where they threw the other victims like Polu. I could not bear to look at that lump of stillness which was once such a regular part of my life. I turned away and entered my house, with a heavy heart, and all my plans of wishing everyone at midnight washed away with held in tears which would not come out for some weird reason.

Happy New Year, anyone?